I am sitting here weeping.

How much more optimism can this world beat out of me?

The happiness of others is a painful stab and the tears come even more. They are all finding happiness and I carry a loneliness that gets heavier than I thought I could ever bear. The darkness is willing the light to simply hate them and let the envy and jealousy finish its work in my heart. Her smile is a reminder of things I have never felt.

 I would love some comfort, someone to tell me it will be okay. The problem is, who would this person have to be for me to believe them right now. I have friends who I could call. They would assure me, they would comfort me. I should be thankful for that. I am not. This time in my life is being recorded in my mind and heart and it is breaking me down. To share it with others would add their minds to those who know the sadness and brokenness I continue to  live in. I can't live with their sympathy too. I just could not bear it. And they are all becoming something. Becoming partners, becoming happy, becoming strong in their careers. All I can do is watch other lives blossom. I feel dead down to my roots. I am holding on. I won't break, I will simply find enough hope to make it to the next day. Today my hope is empty and I sit in my dark room, thankful my tears can keep me sane another night.

Life is a grindstone. For many it does its work to sharpen the steel and gives its bearer a strength and purpose to live a life where one can cut down the obstacles in their path. But what if the steel stays connected to the grindstone? When the steel gets ground away, there is nothing but to lay the flesh to the grindstone, to the bone, and then to the beating heart. When the heart is destroyed, what is there to do but mourn?